PRE-NOTE: This post is CONFIDENTIAL and need not be shared with ‘Peas’ until the time is right!!!
At silly-o’clock in the morning I sat listening to the Lord.
I’d been up for several hours in the dark of night hashing a few things out with Him and finally snuggled back into my bed after sensing Him speak “Peace” to my stirred up soul… Here follow a few words I noted in my journal from that dialogue that led my fingers to turn the bed-light off and my head to lie down again beside that of my sweet Honey:
“…Be still Anxious Heart. All is well. Close your eyes Dear One, and enter into the Dream of My Heart for you–it is Greater and more Elaborate than your own. It is more full of Wonder and Amazement than you currently have capacity to dream of on your own…”
With words like these rolling through my mind I slipped off to sleep, fully expecting to be given something Profound after such encouragement.
And that’s what happened! Though NOT AT ALL in the way I expected.
I figured I’d have Beautiful dreams of Land and Promise and Possibility. But instead I dreamed of School and Delinquent Children.
I dreamed that my Peas were enrolled at a small one-room country school and that their teacher was suddenly taken ill so I took over the class until she could recover. This allowed me to see some things that I had missed being at home, while the kids were away at school. And I was NOT AT ALL pleased! My boys had buddied up with other boys in class, and the whole group of them were leaning toward ‘stupidity’ (for lack of a better word) as I watched them mount their bikes and proceed to blast across several lanes of heavy traffic, barely escaping with their lives, for no other reason than to do what they “shouldn’t” do–Stupid! Then I saw Aspen (who had gained instant popularity with some older kids in the school) experimenting with smoking and dating and kissing… at age 7!
I half awoke– unquestionably DISTURBED–and appealed to the Lord on these matters.
There was no Bold Reassuring Reply like I wanted.
Only a simple and subtle image/thought/remembrance…
Specifically, a note written by Aspen that she told me NOT TO READ. And informed me that she needed to put this note somewhere safe.
Fair enough. I let it alone.
Until several days later when I accidentally found it.
And read it.
And am now going to share it with you… My Aspen’s Precious Note:
Oh my beating heart!
I refolded that note and respectfully replaced it in its hidden corner.
Smiling at her gorgeous note I pondered…
…In the past I played these roles really well (Santa, Easter Bunny, Toothfairy, etc.) because we had Money, Resources and Creativity to fuel it….
But not now.
In this space in time they all seemed DEAD–Santa, Easter Bunny, Toothfairy… and Creativity.
I stood there staring with sadness at what seemed would surely be the beginning of the end…
the end of ‘Wonder’ and ‘Magic’.
I had no creative or monatary stores from which to draw on. Nothing left in me to muster up even a glimmer of hope for my baby-Pea… my rational mind was thinking, “Perhaps it’s best to get the inevitable over with and let her (all of them) move on to “reality“.”
I walked away from that innocent note dejected…
HORRIBLY HORRIBLY SAD!!!
…But with no energy in me to do anything about it… to save my baby-Pea’s ‘Wonder’… To salvage the ‘Magic’.
That was several days ago. And the note still sat where Aspen had originally placed it.
But this morning, after my disturbing dream, I “saw” this note in my minds’ eye and I recognized the glimmer of Hope it represented.
The reason the kids in the dream (including my own Peas) were seeking thrills in these dangerous areas was that their lives were void of ‘Magic’ and ‘Wonder’. I then “saw” in the place of Aspen’s note 5 Jelly Beans and a tiny note upon which was scribbled the words “thank you”.
A spark of Hope was birthed.
When I woke up I knew what I had to do. I remembered a forgotten container of jelly beans hidden in my closet from Easter time and I gathered them up–8 of them, for my 8 Peas. I then scribbled “thank you” on a scrap of paper and swapped this tiny, colorful pile of sweets for Aspen’s Precious and Heartfelt note. Which was her 7-year-old way of reaching out to the Universe and questioning sincerely: “Are you for Real?” “Is Magic and Wonder alive?” “Or is it all just a lie?” The tone of the note pointing in every way to her desire to Believe.
And now, with this tiny pile of Jelly Beans, I had fueled the flame of Belief–in the tiniest way–but a spark is a spark and can (and hopefully will???) lead to fire.
Have I “saved” Magic and Wonder for another season by that simple act?
Or have I prolonged the inevitable–merely postponing “reality”?
… For me…
it is the first.
And not only has Magic and Wonder been salvaged for my Peas, but it has been salvaged for ME.
I recalled that in my vision there were FIVE Jelly Beans, and I questioned the Lord on this because when I awoke it was clear to me that I needed to leave EIGHT.
My answer came immediately as I was instantly drawn back to my childhood. To the time when I was Aspen and put forth “the question”… Hoping and fully expecting a confirming answer–
but I received none.
Those 5 Jelly Beans were for me and the other 4 siblings I grew up with. This is not to exclude the additional 2 siblings that came along much later, but it had to be FIVE to take me ALL THE WAY BACK. All the way back to my own moment of Truth when I secretly laid my own question before the Universe. And here was the Lord… Redeeming my Moment. Bringing Life to dead Hope and failed Belief.
THE MAGIC IS REAL.
Aspen found her Jelly Beans this morning. She and the other Peas Believe…
And so do I.
It may be only a spark.
But a spark is a spark that can (and hopefully will) lead to Fire.
And to my Lord I declare: